


A Small Weight, Lifted

by peanutbutterpacifist



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Fix-It, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Peaches and Plums, ignores the season finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 11:58:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutbutterpacifist/pseuds/peanutbutterpacifist
Summary: Alice and Quentin get the spell they need from Brakebills South, and the gang gets together to defeat both monster-gods and Everett. Everyone is fucked in their own ways, plans go sideways, like always, but if there's one thing this ragtag team can do, it's come together at the last minute and improvise.





	A Small Weight, Lifted

**Author's Note:**

> Canon up until 4x12, then a bunch of plot and character things get fixed and we get a hard-won Queliot reunion plus some difficult conversations and finally--finally--some well-deserved fun and rest.

Quentin was feeling slightly better than he had in weeks. Yes, it was awkward having Alice kiss him, and he still didn’t know how he felt about her. But, he knew his discipline. As disappointing as “minor mendings” was, it did feel good to know what his discipline was. Like Alice had said, it brought a certain amount of peace to know that part of himself. And maybe the quiet of Antarctica was contagious.

“What about him?” Alice asks as they wait for Penny to return. Mayakovsky still lay on the couch, eyes closed, vodka bottle clutched to his chest like a child with a teddy bear.

“This is what he wanted.” 

“He might starve to death if we just leave him,” Alice says.

“You’re right. We’ll have Penny drop him off at a care facility on the way back.”

No sooner had Quentin said his name, than Penny appeared. Quentin had been looking forward to announcing to him that they’d gotten the spell (and being a little smug about it, honestly), but the words died on his lips when he sees the look on Penny’s face.

\----------

Quentin was taking the news about Julia’s kidnapping well, Alice thought at first. He’s clearly upset, the minor measure of peace he’d found at Brakebills south vanished and he’s pacing the apartment anxiously, but as the group goes into planning mode, he seems to calm a bit. He’s always been good at holding it together through a crisis. 

But then he and Penny return from Brakebills to announce that Dean Fogg was just arrested by the Library, and Alice can see that Quentin is about two seconds from losing it.

“Look, it sucks that Fogg’s outta comish, but who else can we shake down,” Margo, always practical, is saying.

And then, like a gift from the gods, a messenger rabbit appears on the counter and announces that Fen had found a stockpile of magic. Quentin lets out a breath and Alice watches him retreat from the edge once again. Alice can see he’s keeping the hopelessness at bay by the thinnest of margins. She wished she had a moment to talk to him, but there’s not time. Quentin and Penny travel to Fillory and return a short time later with Fen and… a gold fish in a bowl. Who turns out is Josh. 

Alice leaves that problem for Margo and Fen to sort out and goes to help Quentin and Penny do book research about the cursed magical resevoir. 

“The closest thing to the reservoir in the Fillory Books is the ‘Secret Sea’,” he says, thinking out loud. “It’s an underground ocean that the Chatwins sail across one time. But it doesn’t say anything about the Secret Sea being full of magic or anything.” Quentin sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.” I don’t know, maybe there’s a clue I’m missing.”

“And if your nerdy bullshit leads us nowhere?” Penny snaps. “We need a backup plan.”

Alice throws him a dirty look. She wants to snap back at him to defend Quentin, but knows he’s only like this because he’s worried about Julia. They’re all on edge, no need to escalate a fight right now.

“I’m going to contact Sheila in the Library,” she says instead. “Maybe she knows away to get us power from the Library’s supply.” Just a few days ago, such an announcement would have been met with suspicion and anger, but now, everyone just nods or waves at her distractedly. She wished she was in a state of mind to enjoy that small triumph.

\------------

When Alice walks back into the room, the look of defeat on her face is so obvious, she doesn’t even have to say that her plan didn’t work. Sheila didn’t help. They would have to figure out how to break the curse on the Fillory Reservoir. It was the only source of magic they could get to on such short notice. And time was running out so, so fast. 

“It’s fine, it was a long shot anyway,” Quentin tells Alice. “Let’s just keep reading, maybe we’ll find something.”

“Yeah, you nerds do that,” Penny says, “I’m gonna go get food. All this travelling takes calories.”

“Hey will you bring us back some--” Quentin starts to say, but of course Penny is already gone. He sighs and sets down the book he was holding and rubs his face. 

“Hey, maybe he’s got a point. Let’s a take a break for a bit. You’ll think better with some rest and some food.”

Quentin wants to argue, to tell her that there’s no way he can rest, that his entire body was vibrating with tension that wouldn’t let him lay still for more than a few seconds, but he’s, ironically, too tired to even explain. He does drink the glass of water that Alice presses into his hand, and then closes his eyes and counts to a hundred. One of many the many tricks that various therapists over the years had taught him. It’s not nearly enough, but at least when he opens his eyes, his breathing is under control.

The calm control lasts a couple hours. But they still can’t find any answers in any books.

Fen leaves to get fish food, and Margo takes Josh to the hedge witch veterinarian to hopefully discover how to cure Josh of his fish-curse. Quentin and Alice find themselves alone together, and suddenly Quentin is not holding it together. At all. He spends a few minutes banging cupboards open and closed in the kitchen, pretending to look for snack, but his eyes are wide and blank and his hands are shaking.

“Q?” Alice says, “you can talk to me. I can tell you’re not OK.”

For just a second, he looks at her with anger. A dozen responses come to his mind, none of them kind, but none of them leave his lips. You’re the reason we’re in this mess, is the obvious one, you’re the reason I’m not OK. But that’s not entirely fair, and even in this state, a distant part of him knows that. And a more immediate part of him needs someone to hold him for a minute. To be touched by someone who’s not a monster.

Slowly, like a leaf furling in on itself during a drought, he bends over the counter, puts his face in his hands, and starts to sob.

Alice rushes over and puts a hand on his back. He leans into it instead of flinching away, so she leans in and hugs him. “I was so stupid to help him,” he gasps between sobs. “I knew it hopeless, but I helped him anyway. Now Julia… oh god, how could I ever think I could save him.”

“We can still do this, Q,” Alice says, a bit alarmed at his strong reaction. He’d always been one to wear his feelings on his sleeve, but the last time she’d seen him like this… her thoughts stuttered to a halt. Of course. The last time she’d seen him like this, she’d been a niffin, and he’d just set her free of the tattoo trap, thinking that he’d never see her again.

“We will do this, Q,” she says, putting more force behind her words. “We’ll get Eliot back for you.” If he noticed her phrasing, he didn’t show it. She holds him silently until his tears slow, and then eventually stop, and then brings him a glass of water. He thanks her, avoiding her eyes. She hates to see him embarrassed to be vulnerable in front of her. They used to be so close…

She retreats to the other side of the counter to give him a little space. “Q, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need. I’m going to see this through to the end, I promise.”

He takes a deep breath but doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. He goes back to rummaging through cupboards, this time emerging with some cereal and eating some right from the box.

He lets out a long sigh and looks at her. All his anger is gone. “Ok, So here’s my thing…” Quentin starts to say, softly as Alice looks at him expectantly. “I didn’t think I could ever trust you again.”

“And now?”

“Now I find myself wanting to.” she sighs, and he sighs in response and leans across the counter, almost but not quite smiling. It’s a relief to him, as well, dropping the burden of his hate for his former lover. A tiny weight lifted from his over-burdened soul.

 

\-----------------------  
“I think, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this shitty, hellscape of a year, is that no one can afford to throw away friends just because they screw up. I need to let go of this weird, bullshit expectation of perfection from everyone.”

“Does that include yourself?” she asks, gently. He rolls his eyes.

“One thing at a time. Can we… start over? I could really use friends right now.”

She swallows past the lump in her throat. “Me too, actually.” She reaches across the counter and gives his hands a squeeze and they both almost start crying again.

...but then Kady, Zelda, and someone else walk through the front door of the apartment, and Quentin and Alice have a new, unexpected problem to deal with.

“I thought he was dead.” Quentin says, coldly. 

“What is he doing here?” Alice, her tone equally cold.

“Well,” says Plover, “I might be the only person alive who knows how to break the curse on the reservoir and save your friends.”

Because of course the child rapist is still alive, and still looking healthy and smug with a couple books tucked under his arm as if he just returned from a refreshing stroll to a local library.

The other two did not look as healthy, however. “Kady, what’s wrong with your arms?” Alice asks, alarmed. 

Kady rolls her eyes, voice harsh with anger and betrayal. “The Library happened,” she says, hooking a thumb in the direction of Zelda and stomping over to collapse into a chair a the far end of the room. Alice glances at Quentin, who shrugs, looking worried and confused, and then at Zelda, who takes a deep breath and raises her chin.

“Shall we sit?” Zelda says, and she and Plover sit down at the dining table. Alice motions Q to follow them, while she sits with Kady. She keeps one ear on their conversation about the magic reservoir in Fillory while she talks to Kady.

“Those look like radiation burns,” Alice says.

“Yep.” Kady says, staring out the window. “Same goddamn thing that Penny died from.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Alice starts to say, but Kady turns her blazing eyes to her.

“No need to be sorry, hon. See, in a few minutes Zelda’s little minion is going to bring us both some super awesome magic medicine. Piece of cake to cure, apparently.”

“Oh my god. That means Penny…”

“...died for no reason, yep. Just the Library flexing its muscles again.”

“Kady, that is such bullshit,” For the first time in awhile, Alice could feel anger burning through the anxiety she’d lived with for the past year. It made her feel stronger, resolute, like when she’d been a niffin, but this was was a different kind of anger. The righteous kind. “Those bastards just never stop, do they? I promise, as soon as we’re finished with this monster problem, I’m going to come back here and help you stop them. If you’ll have me.”

Kady barks a laugh and screws up her mouth like she is about to say something sarcastic, but then she stops and looks thoughtful. “You know what. Yeah. I will have you.” She looks over at Zelda and raises her voice so everyone in the house can hear. “Cause I’m gonna burn that place to the ground.” 

Zelda purses her lips and looks pained. Before she can respond, Margo walks in, her eye patch has made a mysterious return, and, to everyone’s surprise, a confused-looking Todd trails after her.

“Well, looks like you started a party without me,” she places the fish bowl carefully on the kitchen counter and places her eyeball--cause why not-- next to it and then turns to look at everyone, hands on hips. “You even invited the pedophile. How sweet.”

“Um, why is Todd here?” Quentin asks.

“He’s going to babysit my eyeball and my boyfriend while we’re questing.” She turns and gives Todd a hard stare. “Your mission is to keep that eye, pointed at that fish. If you leave your post for even a minute, that fish will die, and I will come back here, reach down your throat, and pull your nutsack out through your mouth. Do you understand?”

“Wha-what if I have to pee?”

“The floor’s tile, it’ll be easy to wipe up later. Don’t. Leave. Your. Post.”

Todd nods vigorously.

“We were, um, just discussing that Quentin has to go to Fillory to talk a plant into releasing the magic reservoir.” Zelda says. “We should all go with him and fuel up. After Kady and I have received our… treatment.” She looks over at Kady. “I need to stop Everett. And, well, we should all be there, in case he attacks when Quentin breaks the curse. He already knows that Quentin can do it. For all I know, he’s lying in wait.”

“I heard the word attack,” Fen says, excitedly, walking in the front door, fish food in one hand and a huge bag of chinese take-out in the other. “Whatever it is, I’m in.”

\----------

Quentin asks only Alice to come with him down to the Drowned Garden. He can’t stand the thought of being there alone with Penny, or god-forbid, Plover or any of the others. It turns out to be a good decision--she knows him, she’s gained wisdom since they first met, and she calms him and gently guides him to understanding that even though Fillory was disappointing, the idea of Fillory is sometimes enough. 

He finds himself crying yet again--when would he run out tears? He felt like he could fill the reservoir with them--but watching the plant unfurl and flower did ignite another, tiny spark of hope in his chest. He wipes his face and calls the others down. “Guys, it worked.”

The rest of the group-Zelda, Alice, Kady, Quentin, Margo, and Penny-come down the stairs. He picks a leaf for Penny, first. “Quick, Penny, get this leaf to Josh and get back here.” 

Never once to mince words, Penny snatches the leaf and vanishes.

“OK, everyone, Everett or the monster could come any second.” He’s barely finished the sentence when they hear screaming echoing down the staircase.

“Oh shit. Quick,” Quentin shouts. But it’s too late, only he and Alice, who are closest to the plant, manage to shove the leaves in their mouths before Everett emerges from the stairwell and blasts them all with a freezing spell.

“Thank god I got here in time,” he says with a sigh of relief. Everyone watches helplessly as he walks toward the plant and leans down to pick a leaf for himself.

“Everett, I’m begging you.” It’s Zelda. Quentin had heard she was a powerful magician, but watching her break out of a freezing spell that quickly was something to behold. Her hands are already raised in front of her, glowing with a second spell, something on the verge of being released at Everett. Quentin doesn’t recognize it, but he doubts it’s a nice one.

“Zelda, I thought we discussed this.” Everett is paused, hand inches away from the plant, but his other hand is working a spell, hidden from Zelda’s view. Quentin tries to yell a warning, but still can’t move.

“This is for the good of the Library.”

“I very much doubt that,” Zelda says, her voice full of sorrow. “You’ve completely lost the thread, Everett. No one who is not already corrupted would seek out this kind of power. Please-” and then Everett throws his spell. Zelda is not taken by surprise, however, and throws her own spell almost at the same time. Both magicians are knocked backwards, Zelda lands in the stairwell, Everett sails completely out of the cave, toward the beach outside.

Zelda jumps to her feet and runs after him. Quentin struggles to release himself from the spell. He can feel more than see, Alice, Kady, and Margo doing the same. They can all hear the sounds of a magic battle happening outside, booms and hisses and high pitches screeches of exotic spells. They can also feel the ambient draining from the air around them. How ironic would it be for them to run out of magic while standing a stone’s throw from a giant reservoir full of it.

He doesn’t get much of a chance to dwell on this possibility, because several things happen at the same time: Alice manages to break free of the spell, Penny reappears, and there is the sound of splashing water outside the cave. A moment later, before Alice can take more than two steps, the freeze spell disappears.

They all rush outside. It’s all quiet, no sign of Everett or Zelda, just their clothes floating gently on the surface a few feet from the shore. Alice wades into the water and peers into the water near the clothes. “I think I see them, Q, come help me.” 

He wades in (the water is cool and tingles against his skin) and looks where she’s pointing. Two tiny goldfish, circling each other and occasionally body slamming each other. “Two goldfish fighting would be hilarious if I didn’t know what they actually are,” Quentin comments.

Alice looks up and gestures to everyone else. “Go eat your leaves, so we can all power up. We’ll take care of these two. She’s starting to absorb power just by standing in the sea, so she has no problem conjuring two fish bowls. Quentin helps her scoop the fish into the bowls and bring them to shore. 

“Let’s not waste time. Let’s take turns powering up.” 

Quentin is already bending and scooping water to his lips. My god, it’s like swallowing lightning. It warms his stomach and then diffuses through every part of him, until even his skin feels glowing. Juicing up with that much power burns away his tears for the moment.

“Oh yeah, I’m feeling that.” He says, and the tiny spark of hope he’d felt earlier in the cave seems to spring into a full blown fire. We can do this.

Alice takes her turn, and then Margo and Kady. Everyone has a different reaction. Alice gasps and stars off into the distance for a moment, as if lost in memory; Kady swears; and Margo jumps to her feet after juicing up and throws back her head to let out a feral scream of joy, eyes burning blue with the new power. “Let’s do this bitches,” she growls, pulling Sorrow and Sorrow out of her belt.

“What about them?” 

“We can give a leaf to Zelda...” Alice trails off as she looks down at the two bowls of identical gold fish. 

“Can I just state the obvious? We don’t need to give Mr. the cure.” Margo says.

Quentin gestures helplessly, wordless in frustration. The pressure to save Eliot and Julia is pressing down on him more every minute, he wants to be going, to be doing, he doesn't want to be thinking about babysitting more cursed fish. But summarily executing people was not something he felt he could do, either. “Fen said someone has to stare at them at all times or--.”

 

“Oh shit. Fen.” Margo gasps, and whirls around to run back into the cave. Alice and Quentin glance at each other. Fen had been guarding the staircase when Everett attacked. They carry the fish into the cave. “Penny, can you please..?”

“Are you kidding me?” Penny says, rolling his eyes, but he grabs the two fish bowls and disappears. Todd’s babysitting rate just tripled.

“Oh no, Fen,” Margo says, and runs into the cave.

She’s lying at the bottom of the stairs, a gaping bloody wound slashed across her midsection. Margo drops her axes and falls to her knees to put her hands on the wounds. “Shit, shit, shit. I’m no good at healing spells.”

“Let me try,” Quentin says, and kneels next to her. They were taught at Brakebills that Healing living tissue was very different from mending inanimate objects. But they were also taught that nothing was truly inanimate, everything had a life of its own, even small things like mirrors or coffee mugs. And with the unimaginable power coursing through him, he felt closer to something, some kind of understanding. An understanding that instinctively told him that healing was pretty close to mending after all. 

He wonders, briefly, in a small part of his mind that isn’t focused on the task, if this was a small taste of what it had felt like to be a niffin. No wonder Alice had chased that feeling so hard.

He goes slow and careful, cognizant of how the huge amount of power flowing through him could flare up and hurt Fen even worse. It’s just about setting something right that is currently wrong. Fitting the pieces together, making them remember how they’re supposed to be. Finally, after an eternity, he opens his eyes and looks down, and the wound is closed. A heart beat passes. Two. And then Fen gasps in a breath and sits up. “Where’d he go? I need to… get… him.” and then she faints. Margo lets out a sigh of relief, “way to be useful Coldwater,” she says with just the barest hint of a tremor in her voice.

The rest of the palace guard are returning, tending to their other wounded. Two of them carry Fen back into the castle. After helping the guard do some healing, the group finally reconvenes on the shore.

“Where are Everett and Zelda?”

“Penny took them to Todd. He also said he’s not going to juice up. He’s not sure what that would do to his travelling powers.”

“OK, let’s go as soon as he gets back.”

“Wait. One more thing. We can’t just leave this here, like this,” Alice says as she gazes out over the water, which seems hardly depleted by all that they’ve just consumed. “There are a hundred Everetts still out there, who’d love to control this much power.”

“Then lets drain it.” Kady says. Let it go back to where it belongs.” 

“What if we need to juice up again?” Quentin says. 

“What if we all die, and leave this sitting here for just anyone to access?” Kady shoots back.

Alice places a calming hand on Q’s arm. “You know we won’t be coming back here. The monster and his sister won’t give us a second chance if we mess up.”

Quentin fidgets and grinds his teeth. “Thanks for reminding me.” Alice raises an eyebrow. “OK, fine, yeah, let’s drain it.”

The whole group stands together on the shore of the Secret Sea. Working together, they poke a tiny pinprick in the very bottom of the reservoir and create a tiny channel through the very bedrock of Fillory. They all feel when it starts to work, a trickle of liquid magic, like a mini version of wellspring that was still running down there at the bottom of the world. It flowed out to join the rest of the ambient magic available for everyone. It was a huge spell, but they were all feeling god-like at the moment. Like they could do anything.

“Are you losers ready now?” Penny asks, sounding angry and impatient. He’d returned in the middle of their spell and was almost as fidgity as Quentin at this point.

“Well, do we know where the monsters are right now? Like, do we even know which planet they’re on?” Alice asks the obvious question.

“Just follow the trail of blood and bodies,” Quentin says. He meant it as a joke, but it comes out way darker, more bitter than he intended.

“Well, if I were an angry god who’d been imprisoned for a few thousand years by Libraries, where would I go?” Kady says.

\-------------

They hide in the Neitherlands while Penny astral projects into the library. It doesn’t take him long.

“OK, I don’t know if this is good or not, but they’re separated right now. They’re wandering around killing everyone. We should split, one ax with one team--”

“No, we don’t know if one ax will be enough. They should be used as a pair.” Margo says.

“ And we shouldn’t split up, either,” says Alice. “We’ll never take them if they see us coming.”

 

But the plan goes sideways the minute that Penny travels them all into position. 

Quentin’s job is to distract the monster. The Eliot monster pauses when he sees Quentin and Quentin has the absurd desire to reason with the monster. He can’t get the Binder’s story out of his head. Despite the body count, the monster is literally as innocent as a child in all this. He hates him, but also sympathizes. “Hey. Why are you killing everyone?” 

“The librarians must pay,” not-Eliot says in that awful, singsong parody of Eliot’s voice.

“OK, so what are your plans after you kill all of them?”

The monster pauses, looking confused. “Whatever sister wants to do.”

“Do you not know her name yet?”

“We… don’t need names,” the monster says, but he still looks confused, and unconvinced.

Quentin sees Penny appear with Margo behind the monster. She raises her axes and takes a step forward, but then the sister appears and Penny says “oh shit,” and disappears with Margo again. The sister turns to Quentin and makes a cutting motion with her finger. Quentin isn’t cut in half, but he is thrown down the hallway and slammed into a wall with a enough force to break bones. He bounces to his feet, in pain, but uninjured. The sister cocks her head to the side. “How adorable. Someone got ahold of a little bit of power. Maybe I’ll keep you as a pet.”

“He’d make a really nice pet,” the monster said, smiling. His comment seems to bother her, or maybe it’s the affection in his voice that does, because she frowns and lifts both hands, fingers crooked like she’s about to do some serious magic aimed at Quentin. He sees it, and all he can do is stare. Clearly she changed her mind and does not want to keep him after all. He’s not sure that his temporary god powers will be strong enough to withstand her full power.

But then, Alice and Kady step from behind a book shelf and blast the sister and the monster with identical spells. Both monsters fly back against a wall. Quentin winces, trying not to think about the possible damage to Eliot’s body. Before they can get up, Kady and Alice blast them again, and again, and again, spells so powerful, and coming so fast, they can’t respond for a few seconds. Penny taks the oppurtunity and travels back with Margo, who swings her axes at the nearest monster. It happens to be the sister. The axes land with a sickening wet crunch into Julia’s shoulder. She screams, and a golden stream of mist flows out from the wound into and is sucked into the waiting bottle in Penny’s hands. The process finishes just in time for Penny to travel away with the bottle and Margo and Julia’s limp body, before the Monster flings a god-spell at them. It just misses them as they disappear. 

“No! No!” the monster shouts, turning this way and that. Kady and Alice hit him again, but this time he catches their spells and flings it back at them. Alice and Kady go flying through the bookshelves and out of Quentin’s sight. Quentin stands his ground, swallowing his fear as the monster settles it’s gaze on him. His heart is pounding, trying not to think about Julia, or Alice and Kady, laying somewhere behind him, possibly dead, or Margo, having to cast the incorporate bond on the sister’s bottle by herself. Or Eliot

He just needed to keep the monster’s attention for a little longer...

“You! You tricked me. You stole my sister from me, again.” He steps toward Quentin and grabs him by the throat, lifting him like he weighed nothing. 

“I didn’t… want… to trick you,” Quentin chokes out. “This is… the only way… to get… my family back…” He feels a momentary surge of guilt. The hurt on the monster’s face, which was Eliot’s face, was hard to bear.

The monster grips his throat tighter, cutting off Quentin’s breath, but not quite enough to kill him. Yet. The monster looks confused, indecisive. Quentin hangs there. He starts to say something else, but then something, another powerful blast, knocks both of them them against the wall. And then Penny is grabbing him and they’re gone, and stumbling into the familiar surroundings of the Physical Kids’ Cottage. Quentin feels the despair crashing down on him yet again as he falls to his knees and gasps in air. No, no, no. Eliot had slipped through his fingers. They were so close. Alice’s words from earlier echo through his head. “We won’t get a second chance”.

“Why didn’t you bring Margo back to use the axes again?” Quentin coughs out, almost shouting in anger and despair. But he stops short as he sees that Penny is kneeling next to a moaning Julia. 

“Margo was kinda busy trying to cast a cooperative spell all by herself, dumbass. You want the sister to escape the bottle now? She’d burn this entire planet to a crisp just to get back as us.” 

He looks over. Margo is ignoring them, still bent over the bottle putting the last touches on the binding spell, her eyes glowing blue as she uses up the last of the reservoir magic. Alice and Kady are standing nearby--both appear unhurt, thank god. Penny must have grabbed them while the monster was distracted. They’re both trying to help Margo with the spell, but they seem exhausted and weak.

“Right. Right. Sorry.” Quentin crawls over to Julia. “Julia? Can you hear me?” Her eyelids flutter and she moans, her back arching, but she doesn’t speak. One hand clutches Penny’s, the knuckles white.

“It’s the axes. Her body keeps trying to heal but the magic won’t let the wounds close.” Penny looks uncharacteristically stunned and helpless.

“What do we do?” Quentin’s head is spinning. Too many things happening at once. The monster still has El, and could appear at any moment to kill them all, his best friend lying on the floor in agony. Things had seemed so clear, back at the Secret Sea. He thought he was ready for this battle, but it feels like all the threads are spinning out of control. 

Alice comes over. “The Binder! Go get him Penny.”

Penny nods and vanishes, and returns seconds later with the book under one arm, the Binder’s human form on the other. He points. “Fix her! She’s in pain!”

“The Binder can do so, but there is a choice to be made. The Binder assumes the man speaking is her husband, or master? Someone who can speak on her behalf?”

“What? No! What the hell?”

“She must choose.”

“OK, fine, I’ll go ask her.” 

While Penny scrambles around looking for chalk for his projection circle, Margo, Quentin, Alice and Kady circle up. They fill in Josh on current events. 

“OK, what’s our juice status?” Margo asks. “I’m totally out. That incorporate bond really takes a lot.”

“I’m drained, too.” Alice says. “I used it all up fighting them in the library.”

“Same here,” says Kady.

“I have a little left, but I don’t think it’s enough to cast the incorporate bond on my own.” Q says, voice shaking. The adrenaline let down after the battle is making him shake, and the words Eliot, Eliot, Eliot, and so close, so close, so close, keep echoing through his head. Best case scenario, they’d have to fight against Eliot’s body again, but it would be almost impossible to take him by surprise this time. The thought is almost too much.

Quentin paces back and forth, trying to pull together the ragged edges of a plan. 

“Look,” says Margo, picking up her axes again. “I’ll just stick close to Penny. When the monster comes, Penny can zip me out, you distract him, and we’ll zip back in and bam. Just like before.”

“And what if he kills Penny, or you, before Penny can travel away?” Quentin asks. “He’s a god, I assume he can, like, see things. For all we know, he can kill us all from a distance without even coming close.”

 

“Also, hate to What are we going to do with that,” she points to the bottle containing the Sister god. “We have no idea how long the bond will hold her in there.”

“OK,” Kady says, “Let’s wait for Julia to wake up. She’s been inside one of them, maybe she saw the sister’s thoughts and can tell us it’s weaknesses.”

As if on cue, there is a blinding flash of golden light. Everyone jumps, thinking for a second the monster has arrived, but the light came from where Julia had been lying on the floor. She’s gone. Penny 23 opens his eyes and just sits and stares off into space for a minute.

“What the fuck was that?” Margo asks.

“She… chose to be a goddess again.” Penny says slowly, in disbelief. 

Quentin takes a deep breath, “The last time that happened, she seemed happy. At peace. This is probably good. But where did she go?”

“No idea.” Penny says, and abruptly jumps to his feet and walks quickly out of the room. The rest look at each other. “I’ll go talk to him,” Kady says.

“Well, so much for that,” Alice says. “But I do have another idea. I’ll go ask Sheila to help. She can find anything, she can at least tell us where the monster is so maybe we have a chance to take him by surprise again.”

“OK, yeah, go,” Quentin says, flapping his hands nervously.

He paces and frets for a few moments. He’s trying to feel happy for Julia, trying not to see her ascension and disappearance as yet another obstacle to saving Eliot. But…

“Julia? If you can hear me, we could really use your help here.” 

To his relief, the half-prayer actually works, and suddenly Julia appears in front of him. “Sorry, I got a little… distracted for a minute there.” She frowns. “I think. I wasn’t gone very long was I?”

“No, not long,” Quentin says.

She nods. “There’s still time.” She looks at Margo and the bottle containing the sister god. “Do you have the child god who cannot die yet?”

“No, but I’m sure he’ll find us any moment.”

“I can’t help you fight him, that is not part of the essence of my being. And it would be best if I was gone when he arrives. He would kill me, and I’m not used to this form, I wouldn’t know how to protect myself. As soon as you have him in his bottle, call to me. I will take him and his sister somewhere they can’t escape.”

“OK, Julia, thank you. Can I … give you a hug?”

She smiled. “Of course, dummy. I know I sound weird, but I’m still me in here. Well, mostly me.” she stepped toward him and wrapped him in a hug that felt like being enveloped in a warm raincloud, or an entire forest, somehow. 

\-----------  
“You won’t believe where the monster is,” Alice says when she returns a few minutes later with a magic map. “New Jersey.”

“Oh shit. I think I know which address,” Quentin says and bends over the map. Sure enough, the glowing dot is centered on his father’s old house. He looks at Penny. “Are you up for this?”

“Shut up and let’s just get this done.” Penny’s face is once again showing nothing but anger and boredom Quentin knew so well. He also knew well that it a mask, and that if he was a better friend, or could think past the next few minutes, or past the panicked voice that still echoed Eliot, Eliot, Eliot, through his brain, he would be able to say something else. Something comforting. But he didn’t have space or time for anyone else. So he simply nods and says, “He’ll be in the converted garage.”

The remainder of the group gathers together and joins hands--Quentin, Alice, Margo, Kady, and Penny, and travel to New Jersey.

Quentin knew he was the only one who could be the bait. The only one who the monster might not kill on sight. Might not. As they arrive, there’s a roaring sound coming from his father’s work room. Quentin eases the door open. The entire space is filled with a mini tornado. Boxes, papers, tools, broken model airplanes whirl through the air around the figure of the monster. The moment Quentins sets foot through the doorway, the monster turns toward him, eyes full of anger and hurt and confusion. He makes a clenching motion with his fist, and Quentin flinches, expecting a blow, but instead, the roaring stops and every object in the room disintegrates into dust and starts drifting down around the monster like dirty confetti. “I came there because I thought it’d help me understand, but I still don’t. You were my best friend, Quentin. Why did you help bring my sister to me, and then immediately take her away?” He starts to walk toward Quentin.

Quentin raises his hands in a placating gesture. “She was killing people.”

The monster scowls, “people who deserved it. Who hurt us.” He lifts a hand, and Quentin thinks he has the chance to say one more thing before he the monster strikes him down.

“Did that ice cream man deserve it? Did he hurt you?” The monster pauses just one moment, looking confused again. That’s when Penny travels in behind him with Kady, her hands ready to release a battle spell, and Margo, her axes raised for a blow. But the monster is ready this time, he flicks his fingers behind him without even looking, and Kady, Margo and Penny all collapse with identical gasps of pain. Alice runs in the door behind a split second later, and manages to throw one spell before the monster cuts her down as well.

Quentin shouts,”no!” but it’s too late. Blood pours from deep wounds on all of them. All his friends, gone in seconds. He sinks to his knees, allowing the despair to wash over him as the monster takes one more step toward him. He’s ready. He tried his best, at least now he’ll get to rest. He closes his eyes, waiting for the blow. But what happens instead is the monster makes a strange coughing sound. Quentin opens his eyes, and the monster has also gone down on its knees.

“Q,” he says, and his eyes and face are not longer the monster’s. Quentin stares in disbelief. “El?”

“Do it now, Q. You’ve got about five seconds.”

Quentin scrambles over to Margo’s still form and grabs her axes. He turns around and sees El, standing in front of him, arms spread to expose the vulnerable midsection. “Hurry. You have to do it now.” He says, pleading.

Quentin lets out a scream and swings the axes. He turns away so he doesn’t have to watch the blades sink into his best friend’s flesh. Whirling to grab the bottle, he shouts out, “Julia! Our Lady of the Tree, hear me and come to my aid, please!” The golden mist enters the bottle, and he knows he doesn’t have enough power to cast the incorporate bond. If Julia doesn’t come within a few seconds, the monster will escape again.

But she does. A golden glow fills the room, and Julia steps through the air and gently takes the bottle from his hand. Quentin lets out a sob and collapses next to Eliot, pressing his hands to the wound on his stomach. “Please, please, please.” He whispers.

He barely registers what happens next. Julia picks up the bottle containing the sister god from Margo’s belt, and then takes both bottles in her arms as if she’s hugging them. She presses them tighter and tighter to her midsection, to that same place one might access their shade. The golden glow builds and becomes blinding, and there’s a high-pitched keening

“Did you... eat them?” Even in his shock, and panic at watching Eliot’s blood pour out between his fingers, Quentin can feel awe at what he just witnessed. 

“Not quite. I merged them together, and then merged them with… Julia... myself. Like tree roots joining beneath the soil to make many trees into one being. They--we-- weren’t just a mistake of the gods because we couldn’t be killed, it’s because we were never given purpose.” She pauses to stare at one of her hands, like she’s never seen it before. “One of us, childlike and confused, only knew how to live through games; the other, angry, always angry, knew only destruction. Where before neither had a conscience, now we all share Julia’s shade. There was no balance, now there is. Now, we are the innocent beauty of a forest in spring; the needful destruction of decay in a forest floor that brings new life; the struggle to grow toward the light. We are the Lady of the Tree…”

“Does that mean you’re still Julia?”

“We are not... not Julia. But you knew that the old Julia would cease to exist the moment she made this choice. Consider this just a little extra character growth.”

“Can you… Quentin swallowed hard, “fix them?” He meant all his friends, lying around him in pools of blood, but he’s looking at Eliot.

Julia--or, Our Lady of the Tree-- moved closer and looks down. “Yes. We’re only sorry it’s too late to save all the others who were killed these past months. But that is the way of things. Death feeds the living.” She raises her arms, hands flat, and blinks, and all of them--Kady, Alice, Margo, Penny, and Eliot, gasp and cough back to life.

Eliot opens his eyes. “Q,” he breathed, and lifts a hand to Quentin’s face. Quentin lets out a sob. His hands were forming fists in Eliot’s shirt, one of those stupid, filthy novelty tee shirts the monster had always dressed in. He doesn’t let go even as Eliot struggles into a sitting position and slides a hand along Quentin’s neck, urging him closer. Quentin lets his face sink into Eliot’s chest, not caring that the shirt smelled like blood and sweat and stale food. Not caring that his whole body was hitching with sobs, now. Margo crawls over and puts her arms around both of them, and they all stay huddled together for a long time. Quentin is barely aware that Julia speaks to Penny and then vanishes. Eliot was back. Eliot was back. Eliot. Eliot. Eliot. Finally.

\--------------------------

 

By the time Eliot was done with his shower (a very long, hot one, involving a laundry list of hair care products), Quentin had gotten himself mostly under control. He still had the urge to stand by the bathroom door and just listen to Eliot, but even he knew how creepy that was, so he shut himself in a bedroom instead and forced himself to lay down.

Kady and Alice had completely taken over the apartment, and there was a constant parade of people coming and going. Quentin was only vaguely aware of what was happening, something to do with hedge witches and the Library. He was sure it was very important, but they seemed to have everything under control, and he was too tired to muster much interest. He didn’t know how they could do it, so soon after the battle. He, for one, was dizzy with exhaustion. Maybe after he’d slept for about two years, he’d feel up to asking them. For now, he was done with quests.

But his brain wasn’t letting him sleep. Even now--or perhaps especially now--that the crisis was over, he couldn’t get his thoughts to stop racing. One memory or scenario after another tumbled through his brain. And chief among them was a twenty second conversation he’d had with Eliot. The one bright spot in six solid months of shit. The moment he’d found out Eliot was still alive.

“Who get proof of concept like that? Peaches and plums, motherfucker.” Of all the things he could have said to prove it was him and not the monster playing tricks, why had it been that? Quentin had been trying not to think about it, but now that Eliot was here, and alive, and in the next room, he couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to hope, but he couldn’t help it. The spark of hope was back, like it had been in the Drowned Garden. If Eliot had meant what he thought he did…

The door opened quietly and then shut again. Quentin rolled over, and there he was. Eliot standing with his back against the door in a bathrobe, hair tousled and damp, a look of uncertainty on his face. “Hey, Q. Sorry if I woke you. It’s a circus out there, and this is the only quiet room. Do you mind if I…” He gestured at the mirrored vanity in the corner.

“No, yeah, go for it,” Quentin said, sitting up and rubbing his face. “I can’t sleep anyway.”

Eliot crossed the room and sat in front of the mirror, pulling handfuls of personal care products out of the robe’s pockets and arranging them on the vanity. “These hedge witches are barbaric. One girl actually came in and used the toilet while I was in the shower, can you believe that?” 

“Unforgivable,” Quentin says, smiling in spite of his mood. 

“Almost as bad as what the monster did to my hair. Seriously, it’s a crime.”

Quentin’s smile faltered and disappeared, and Eliot sees it happen in the mirror. “Q, I’m sorry.” Eliot dropped the bottle he was holding and came over to the bed to sit next to him. Quentin has the brief urge to back away from him. Maybe it was the lingering memory of the monster’s many unwanted touches; maybe it was that he knew if Eliot hugged him, he’d start sobbing again. But then Eliot’s arms were around him, and he did start crying, and it was OK. God knew it wasn’t the first time he’d sobbed into Eliot’s shoulder. He let himself cry into the bathrobe for awhile and then pulled away, scrubbing at his face. 

“Sorry, I..sorry.” 

“Please stop apologizing. I am the king of untimely jokes. Alice told me a little about what happened these last few months. I know it must have taken a toll.”

“Not that I haven’t, you know, been there before. But never for so long. It was like walking through a tunnel. Just kept focused on one crisis after another. First the key quest, and then the whole monster thing. I fully expected to die bringing you back. I...I never thought about what might happen when I left the tunnel. I could even picture an afterwards.” He makes a helpless gesture at the air. “You’re here, you’re whole,” he briefly touches Eliot’s midsection where the wound had been. “I think I’m going to be in shock for awhile. Don’t be surprised if I freak out at random.”

Eliot leans over and hugs him again. This time there’s no tears, just a gradual relaxation into each other. 

“I’m so tired,” Quentin says after a few moments, words muffled in the bathrobe. 

“I thought that’s why you were hiding out in here in the middle of the day. To get a nap.”

“That’s the theory.”

“I actually need a nap myself.” He hesitates just a moment. “Would it keep you awake if I stayed in here?”

“No. I might sleep better if you’re here, actually.”

“Like old time,” Eliot smiles, and seeing it on his face, the real Eliot with his real Eliot dazzling smile, just about makes Quentin break down again. Instead he rolls over on the bed and curls around a pillow--if there’s one thing this apartment has, it’s copious pillows--in his typical napping position. He feels Eliot crawl in after him and curl against his back, arm draped loosely over him. It’s feels right. Perfect. Exactly where things are supposed to be. He feels himself relax slowly. He counts silently, and does his muscle group relaxation techniques (yet another trick learned in therapy). It doesn’t often work, but today, with Eliot’s solid presence close by, it does.

Soon, he’s more relaxed than he’s been in months, and something, else, too. With the tension gone, and on the edge of sleep, Quentin feels stirrings in his body that have been absent for awhile. Stirrings caused by Eliot’s touch and warmth. Well, there’s that, he thinks to himself. But before he can even consider whether or not to act on his feelings, he’s dragged into a deep sleep.

\-------------------------

When Quentin wakes, the day has gone by, and the light from the window is that of dusk. He sits up abruptly. Eliot is gone, and the sheets are cold. For just a second, he panics. He forces himself to take a deep breath and not assume the worse. He goes out to the common area, keeping his features schooled and calm. “Anyone know where Eliot went?” he asks, trying to sound casual.

Kady is on the couch with a hedge witch Quentin doesn’t recognize. She looks up from a pile of papers strewn on the coffee table. “He went shopping. Said something about there not being a decent button down in the whole building.”

Quentin nods and heads to the kitchen to pour himself a bowl of cereal, which he eats standing by the dining room window. Part of him is interested in what Kady is studying so intensely. The papers look like a mix of ancient scrolls and modern printouts of some kind. He wants to go over and ask if he can help. He wants to ask where Alice is, but he knows the more he learns, the quicker he’ll be sucked into helping on whatever mission they’re on. Instead, he silently eats his cereal and watches the sky turn from blue to indigo to black.

When he hears the front door open and close he turns to look and there’s Eliot, with a capital E, looking so much like himself, in a coordinated outfit and vest, his hair styled artfully, that Quentin’s heart almost stops. He’s truly back. He wants to cheer and dance and then maybe take another nap. Instead he smiles and walks over. “Are you sure you got enough? I think there might be a few stores in Manhatten that still have inventory left.”

“Shut up Coldwater and hang these in the master closet,” Eliot says, smiling and shoving garment bags into Quenting’s arms. “They folded them, can you believe it?”

After Eliot was done completely taking over the master bedroom and fussing with the arrangement of clothes in the closet, he turned to Quentin, who stood by the whole time, a bemused smile plastered on his face. “Now, come out to dinner with me. I’m starved, and I bet you haven’t had anything but cereal for three days. Bring your phone. I still don’t have one, and my feet are killing me and we are definitely getting a fucking Uber.”

\--------------------

Quentin can’t even remember the last time he had a quiet meal inside a restaurant that was actually relaxing and didn’t have him tapping his foot, anxious to finish and leave to get to a task or study for some impossible exam or complete some task for an impossible quest. It’s wonderful, and he smiles more in one evening than he has all year, but leaves him jumpy, unable to shake the constant feeling of forgetting something important.

As if reading his mind, Eliot raises his beer in a toast. “Here’s to peace and quiet. May we all eventually learn to overcome our PTSD and actually enjoy it.”

Quentin raises his own beer. “Therapy for all, and to all a goodnight.”

Despite the lingering tension in his body, every time Quentin sees Eliot smile, it’s like a tiny weight lifts from his soul. We really did it, he allows himself to start to believe. It came at a cost, but Eliot is alive, and well, and laughing, and that’s all Quentin could have ever wanted. Or so he thought. He has a niggling doubt. He always has doubts, of course. Doubt has always been his constant companion in almost every situation. This time, the doubt had to do with the phrase peaches and plums, motherfucker, and whether it was fair to ask even more of the universe than what he’d already been gifted. He should be content, right? Then why did his relief at having Eliot back keep morphing into hunger every time he looked at him?

Eliot suggests walking after dinner instead of immediately taking an Uber. Quentin doesn’t argue. The longer they stayed away from the apartment, the longer Quentin could avoid whatever adventure Alice and Kady were cooking up.

Eliot becomes quieter and more pensive the further they get from the restaurant. Quentin assumes that, like himself, he’s thinking about all the major shit that happened in the last two days. He’s not expecting it when Eliot suddenly puts a hand on his shoulder and stops him in the middle of the sidewalk.  
“Q… I need to say something to you. It’s selfish of me, and this is probably not a great time, but I made a promise that I’d be braver, and well, this is the best I can do right now. Especially if I’m going to do this sober. So, I’m sorry if this sounds stupid, or dredges up something that you’ve already moved on from, but.” He takes a deep breath and chews on his lip for a moment. “The Key Quest last year. You asked me something, and I said no. I was being a coward and a fool. The truth is, I wanted to say yes back then. Really badly. I only said no because you’re too much of a good thing, Quentin Coldwater. I don’t deserve you, and I’m going to fuck this up. But… I’m saying, yes, now. If there’s any hope that you’d ask me that question again, the answer is a resounding yes.”

He holds his breath and searches Quentin’s face. Quentin just stares at him, it takes his brain a while to fully process what he’s just said. When it finally does, he for once doesn’t overthink it: he reaches up and pulls Eliot’s face down to his and brushe his lips against Eliot’s. Eliot wraps his arms around him and kisses him back slowly, sweetly, but with enthusiasm. It takes every bit of will power he has to go slow, to not pin Quentin against the nearest wall. He can feel the slightest hesitancy behind Quentin’s kiss, and sure enough, he pulls away after a moment. He puts his hand in Eliot’s and pulls him back into their walk, thinking hard, thoughts racing.

Eliot doesn’t say anything, letting him work things out. After a few minutes, he manages to start speaking. “OK, my turn for a speech.” Eliot nods, sweeping his thumb along the side of Quentin’s hand. Quentin shivers at the touch. He wants it so badly, he wants it to never stop, but he has something to say first.

“Do you remember the night of our one year anniversary at mosaic?”

Eliot feels some heat creeping into his cheeks, and elsewhere. Quentin was not making it easy. “Of course.”

“I want you to promise me that if we do this, and you start to feel like you’re not “good enough”, or you start listening to whatever bullshit brain demons are telling you, that you have to open your mouth and talk to me about it.” Quentin stops and turns to face Eliot, and starts plucking nervously at the front of his shirt. “I--I won’t be able to handle it if you just pull away again. Like you did the morning after, at the mosaic, or later when we got our memories back.” He stares into Eliot’s eyes. “I was ok when you rejected me before. Or at least I told myself I was. I didn’t want to fuck us up, either. I felt lucky that I’d get spend another lifetime with you as a friend. I’m not one for planning for the future, as you might guess, but for awhile there, when I did think about it, you were always there. When the monster told me you were dead…” he takes a deep breath. He just needs to get through this. 

“What I’m trying to say, is I don’t feel like I can waste any more time. I’m willing to take the risk of fucking up. I want so much more. And who knows how much time we have before the next crisis hits.” 

Eliot swallows past a lump in his throat. “I guess if I can learn to drink beer, I can learn to try to use my words instead of running away. It’s a bit out of character, but…” Quentin’s hand tightens on Eliot’s shirt, fabric wrinkling in his grip, but Eliot doesn’t seem to notice, “let’s fuck up together.” Q pulls him back into another kiss, this time his hesitancy is gone. It’s all passion and tongues and lips and mingled breath…

After a few minutes, it’s Eliot’s turn to pull away, slightly breathless. He keeps his hand on the small of Quentin’s back, rubbing in a small, urgent circle under his hoodie. “Should we get that Uber now?”

“Yeah, I think we should.”

\-----------------------------------

Quentin doesn’t even remember the ride back to the apartment. It’s a blur of horniness and that floaty feeling of disbelief and budding joy. Eliot Waugh, his Eliot, wants him, is touching him, never stops touching him the whole time. A hand on his thigh during the ride in the car; arm linked through his on the elevator ride up; hand gripping his hand as he drags him up the ridiculous spiral staircase to the master bedroom.

They’re on each other before the door is fully shut. Eliot holds Q’s face with both hands for a long, lingering moment, pressing him bodily against the doors, before reaching down to unbutton his own shirt. Something Quentin’s grateful for--he doesn’t want any responsibility for ruining El’s new clothes. In the state he’s in, he can barely unzip his own sweater. He definitely trips over his own shoes on the way to the bed. 

Eliot laughs--god that beautiful laugh, Quentin thought he could want El anymore but he melts at the sound--and pushes Quentin the rest of the way onto the bed, crawling up his body slowly, dragging his teeth and lips over bare skin of his chest and making Quentin gasp. El strips out of his pants, and then sets to work on Quentin’s.

“Wait, one sec.” Quentin rolls over and starts rummaging through the bedside table. “I thought there were condoms in here…”

Eliot clears his throat. “Speaking of adult conversations, I did something else while I was out today.”

“Yeah?

 

“Went to the same-day clinic.”

“And?”

“Clean across the board. Miraculous, I know. Save your applause.”

“You sly bastard. You really were planning to get laid tonight.” Quentin is smiling, but Eliot gives a sincere shake of his head, and sounds serious. 

“I swear to you it wasn’t like that. I didn’t… expect anything tonight. Or ever, really. Honestly, I thought you’d turn me down if I ever actually got the nerve to talk to you.” 

Quentin shut the drawer and rolled back over toward Eliot, pushing him onto his back and crawling on top of him. He went down on his elbows so he could run both hands through his hair while he kissed him, long and hard. “You’re an idiot.”

“No question, but… I kind of got the vibe that you and Alice were back together.”

Quentin shakes his head. “We’re finally friends again, that’s all. I never would have made it through last week, or been able to save you, without her.” He kisses Eliot’s chest, then stomach. “In the interest of full disclosure, I should probably tell you Alice did kiss me last week. Past her, thinking I was past me, and then present her, thinking it was past me.”

“That’s a story I haven’t heard yet.”

“Later. I’m busy right now,” Quentin says, teasing, and without fanfare, dips his head and takes Eliot’s cock into his mouth.

“Jeeeesus, Coldwater at least… let me get my… underwear off.” Eliot is having trouble forming words, and Quentin isn’t interested in waiting any longer. He knows he’s rushing things, but he doesn’t care. And Eliot isn’t doing much to slow him down. Eliot comes more quickly than either of them anticipated.

“I’d apologize,” he says, breathing hard, “but that was mostly your fault.”

Quentin smiles and moved up to lay down next to him. 

“What do you think you’re doing, sir? Cuddles later. More fucking, now.” Eliot got on top of Quentin and kissed him some more. “My god, do you still have your pants on?”

Eliot takes his time, and Quentin is completely absorbed by the spell that is El’s hands, tongue, and mouth. His world narrows. He has tunnel vision again, but this time it’s the good kind. The great kind. When he finally comes, his entire body shakes. Not long after, he falls into the deepest, least troubled sleep he’s experienced in months.

\----------------------

They stay in bed until well past noon the next day, taking turns sleeping and then waking each other up to become familiar with each other’s bodies again. They may have the memory of being together for fifty years in past Fillory, but it does feel different this time around. Newer, more real somehow. Maybe it was the fact there was no opium in the air.

What finally got them up was a long series of pissy text alerts. Quentin is intimidated by Margo even by text, and he sits up and hurriedly checks his messages when he realizes they’re from her. “She wants to have dinner with everyone tonight. She and Josh are leaving for Fillory tomorrow and she wants a party before she leaves. She says if I don’t have the kitchen cleaned before she and Josh get back from the grocery store, she’s going to, well, cause me bodily harm, etc.”

Eliot smirks. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want… to go with them?” He asked, hating how timid his voice sounded.

Eliot smooths the hair back from Quentin’s forehead. “I will someday, but I’m just not in the mood to be drawn back into whatever royal drama is surely happening there. Plus, I sort of have a good reason to stay here.”

Quentin feels heat creeping into his face and the pit of his stomach. It all still seems like a dream. Eliot Waugh wanted him. It was going to be a long time before that fact settled in his mind.

\-------------------

When Quentin and Eliot finally leave the room and come down the stairs hand in hand, people in the living room start clapping--Quentin can see Kady instigating, Alice and Sheila and Todd, and a few hedge witches he knows vaguely join in. Eliot bows, and Quentin blushes and flips off the room with both hands. Except Alice, who he immediately approaches nervously. He doesn’t feel guilt, exactly, but he does feel like he needs to say something. She smiles and holds up a hand to stop him. “I know that look, Q. You don’t owe me anything. I’m happy for you. God knows you’ve earned a little happiness in your life by now.”

“Thanks, Alice. I--I also need to thank you. I was a dick there for awhile, but you still risked your life to help get Eliot back. I’ll never be able to repay that.”

“Friends help each other, Q. It’s as simple as that.”

\-------------

They all help clean up the apartment so Josh can start cooking dinner. Quentin half-expected the party to be a rager like Margo and Eliot used to throw at Brakebills. But it’s quieter. Kady even kicks out most of the hedge witches for a few hours so it’s just the ‘Scooby Gang’, sitting around the dining room table eating and drinking wine and talking and laughing. Even Penny comes by, though he doesn’t do much laughing, and he leaves early. 

Everyone refuses to call it a going away party, but that’s what it feels like to Quentin. Eliot spends a long time talking quietly with Margo. There’s some tears and hugging, and at one point Eliot looks a little stunned at something she says. Later she pulls Quentin aside as well. “OK Coldwater, I’m just gonna say this once, so listen up. If you break Eliot’s heart, I’m going to pull yours out of your chest with my bare hands. Is that clear?”

Quentin nods wordlessly, and she flashes him a smile and gives him a hug. “Glad we’re on the same page. And hey, try and convince him to come live in Fillory. You don’t have to be kings, you could set up a little cottage in the countryside or something.”

“That sounds nice, but I’m not sure we’re ready for a conversation about moving in together yet.” Quentin means it as a joke, to deflect from but Margo makes an exasperated sound. “And what do you think this is?” She says, gesturing around the apartment. “Stop overthinking everything, Q. You think after all that’s happened, you’re going to have a typical dating experience?”

Later, after everyone hugs Margo and Josh and they leave for Brakebills and the magic clock, and as the party winds down, and the hedge witches start to trickle back in and Kady and Alice and Sheila go back to huddling over the coffee table again, Eliot comes over to Quentin and casually puts an arm around his waist.

“Did Margo threaten to cut off your balls if you break my heart?” Quentin asks. 

“It was a bit more graphic and creative than that, but yeah, basically.”

“Do you still wanna risk coming up to bed with me?” And despite himself, butterflies flutter in the pit of his stomach. 

“Yes. Very much so.”

They walk up the stairs together. Everything else could wait.


End file.
